Beyond Overwhelmed: Coping with Stress

There's not much more to learn than I already know about stress: pare down what I do to to a bare minimum, practice deep breathing, meditate, listen to soothing music, try to distract myself from what's stressing me and so on.

But, my cycles are too extreme and happening too fast for me to cope with. I've been up and down in a matter of days. Up - manic, frantically doing things, driven, not sleeping. Down - immobilized, can't go anywhere or do hardly anything, can't even get in the shower, hard to prepare a meal, can't sleep. Writing and reading as much as I can to distract myself and stay sane.

I'm going to call my psychiatrist and tell her what is going on. Hopefully, she can fit me in for an appointment. I can't think of anything else to do. I'm praying I can even get there. My main support system is going out of town. The only thing that could be worse is being suicidal or psychotic.

I tell myself I'm not going to lose it. I tell myself it's just a little longer and everything will be okay. I put messages on the mental health group discussions asking if anyone else has been helped with medication for this problem. But, I know only my psychiatrist really knows enough to tell me (and she can only experiment at this point in my treatment).

I am weary of "try this, try that." I am weary of trying so hard. I am just plain weary. Thank God for my faith. After all I've been through, I know enough to trust in the universe to help me after I've done all I can do. I've been subject to divine intervention many times.

I don't dare tell my family. Their worry and wishing to help would just stress me out all the more. I'm irritable. Sympathy would anger me. I can't worry about anybody else but me right now. Sometimes it's a virtue to be self-interested.

This is what it's like to have bipolar illness. It's just a day in the life, really.