Higher Education: Education as Therapy

My education was therapy for me. It taught me mental discipline: to support my point of view with facts and sources; to evaluate sources; to write (and writing is very good therapy; to read widely from conflicting points of view on the same subject; to moderate my tone; the importance of understatement; and the value of intellectual courage and honesty.

I have applied all those things to my daily life and those lessons have helped me stabilize to a great extent what is an unstable condition. Because I have no access to professional research and journals, I have only found one source to corroborate my theory.http://www.palgrave.com/products/title.aspx?PID=271245 * I miss access to a university library.

The price of my education was very high. I am not talking about money here. Because I was already very ill, I had several psychotic breaks during the course of my academic experience. Stress triggers those things in me. I was hospitalized each of those times, and that alone is very stressful. I was taking Haldol during my graduate studies, a drug that dulls the mind. Therefore, I had to work much harder than I would have if I had not been ill.

I was suicidal through most of my graduate years. I had lost my children and the pain of that lost was almost unbearable. I was frightened for my sanity. I drank to ease all those symptoms and worked all night frequently, falling asleep in the morning for an hour or so in my clothes, getting up and doing it all over again.

By the time I finished my masters degree I was so burned out and exhausted, I knew I could never complete a PhD. program. I became even more depressed and discouraged. I couldn't do much of anything except play Super Tetrus all summer. I couldn't write anymore. I couldn't read. I drank and got into an unhealthy relationship.

If I hadn't nearly destroyed myself, my illness wouldn't be as bad as it is today. However, I'm sure with more time and support than I had it could be done. Bipolar people are sometimes far above average intelligence. Abraham Lincoln suffered from severe depression. Bipolar writers include many of the greats: F. Scott Fitzgerald, William Faulkner, Ernest Hemingway, Johnathan Swift, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Sylvia Plath and many others were all bipolar.

It is not necessary to be as gifted to "deserve" an education. Mine will never translate into a contributing roll in society. However, despite the price, I am grateful and better off in many ways for having it.

*I apologize for not linking this site. It is not accepted by this program.