Mental Illness and Trust Issues: Trust in yourself and others

Most everyone has trust issues. I've been wrong so many times; my trust in others has been violated so many times; other's have evaluated or misunderstood me so many times - for a long time I didn't trust much of anybody. After psychotic episodes, I didn't trust myself. But, basic trust has to be established in someone or you end up with no relationship whatsoever. I learned to trust others until I had a reason not to anymore.

I've read so many articles about trusting others to understand about mental illness it isn't even funny. Given the misinformation, misunderstanding, ignorance and stigma attached to being mentally ill, you have to decide who to tell and when, who to trust at all. You have to establish a trust relationship with your therapist and psychiatrist first and foremost. Without that, no real progress can be made in therapy. I always say, "don't lie to your accountant, your lawyer, or your therapist." It is a good practice not to lie to anybody. I have only three rules to follow: Work hard. Tell the truth. And try not to hurt anybody. These rules are not so easy to follow as one might think. The only ones I know who actually follow these rules are my children, most of my relatives, my therapist, and my psychiatrist. Although I've explained these rules to many people, few seem to be able to do it. For awhile, I thought most people were "morons."

I worked for a brief time as a cocktail waitress in Reno, Nevada. I tried that because somebody I respected and liked told me they made a hundred dollars an hour. Even though I knew little about mixed drinks (or alcohol at all for that matter), I figured I could learn. When I started working there, another waitress told me not to trust anybody there. I said I had to trust somebody, so I was going to begin with her. She accepted that. I quit for many reasons, but part of the reason was what she said was true. I learned quit a bit about how stupid men can be, but I already knew quite a bit about that. None of the money was worth it.

Before you can trust anybody else, you have to trust yourself. Trust your feelings, your intuition, trust you are your own best friend and trust what little you may know. I can be pretty stupid sometimes myself. I had to learn not to say that to myself. Telling yourself you are stupid, stupid, stupid doesn't help any. Learn from your mistakes. Try not to make the same on twice. Of course some difficult things to understand have to be learned the hard way. Don't feel bad about that.
Learning anything worthwhile is hard.

If you have serious problems with trust, talk to your therapist about it. Be careful about who you tell you are bi-polar, but don't hide it. There will always be stigma if those of us who have it don't come out of the closet. A professor once said, "There's nothing wrong with your mind." I knew there had been some gossip. I knew who the gossip came from. Just because you are mentally ill doesn't mean you can't be logical. It doesn't mean you're stupid.

Because trust is so important, work very hard at it. As I've already said, being bipolar is hard work. If you don't like the way things are, or how you are,

do

something about it.