What The Hell Is Wrong With Me?: Dangers of Misdiagnosis

At the onset of my illness, and for six or more years afterward, I was misdiagnosed. I was diagnosed as having sever depression (unipolar disorder); schizophrenia, as schizo-typical; having an adjustment disorder; a character disorder; it was even suggested I might have hysteria.

The problem with misdiagnosis is it can be fatal. Treating bipolar disorder without medication is about the same as "treating an infection with Tylenol." The suicide rate increases, and the chance for psychotic episodes is high. Even though I told my psychiatrist I was fighting suicide every day for two years (actually, it had been longer, but I only saw him for two years), I was never given an anti-depressant. And my therapist, since my psychiatrist was a Freudian, was told to "understand the mood."

During this time, I was only taking Haldol. To control the "schizo-typal" symptoms. Because psychotic breaks are very much like schizophrenia, that was all I was given. Without a mood stabilizer, my cycles of manic depression and mania were almost unbearable. In the absence of medication I drank to control the mood swings. And since alcohol is a depressant, my drive to commit suicide was worse.

As a result, I was diagnosed as having clinical depression and advised to stop drinking. Even so, I was not prescribed an anti-depressant until I asked for one. When they diagnosed me as having a character disorder (someone who keeps doing the same thing over and over again with the expectation of different results) I was treated with therapy alone. My character flaw was that I stuck to my principles no matter the consequences. Something was wrong with that.

Hysteria, also a Freudian concept, is hysterical upset over not being able to bear children anymore or having a hysterectomy. They only changed the diagnosis to adjustment disorder because I knew what hysteria was and told them I had my tubes tied.

I could go on and on about the disastrous results, but I'm sure it is apparent by now how much suffering I endured because of it. My illness is worse than it would have been had I not had so many psychotic episodes and been hospitalized so many times. I finally told a psychiatrist I didn't care what they called it; I just wanted it fixed.

Previous to that time, I had been diagnosed as bipolar, but it was decided it wasn't that because lithium didn't work. Since I don't cycle every day, when I was under observation I didn't display evidence of being bipolar. My therapist once told me it could take a hundred years before the field had a name for what I have.

I only had hope once I was diagnosed and improved with medication. I believe in the twenty odd years since my first serious outbreak occurred, much progress has been made in diagnostic technique and pharmacological treatment. I don't know if it was bad luck, or advances in therapy responsible for improving that too. If you are discouraged by the time it takes it get your medication right, please know your correct diagnosis offers the best hope for recovery.